Cold Hard Rants: Crapping Out

The land of sand and sin. Where time does not matter and clocks are nearly non-existent. Where it is not only permissible to wander the streets, beverage in hand, but it is encouraged. Phone numbers of attractive, nubile ladies are being handed out on street corners like ecstasy at a rave. Nightclubs are hopping (is that what the cool kids are saying these days) and A-list celebrities and groups are performing top quality shows that people gladly pay top dollar to see.

So, with this in mind where else but Las Vegas would the NHL decide to place the biggest non-event in the history of events, the NHL awards show. A faux celebration of all things hockey, being staged in a place that barely knows what hockey is, and where a hockey fan wanting to place a sporting wager and watch the outcome has to beg to have a game put on the smallest television in the darkest corner of any sports-book. And even then, only when there are no better EuroLeague basketball games being played on ESPN Desportes.

For conversation sake lets look at the acts that are currently playing in Las Vegas that will be more popular than the NHL awards ceremony:

Carrot Top and Liza Minelli—Together at last!

Living La Vida Loca–A retrospective of the career of Ricky Martin starring William Hung

In Treatment: Relationship Edition—with guest counsellor Sloppy Seconds Sean Avery

The Sopornos starring Hortense the Mule Faced Woman

You really do have to hand it to the NHL. You never do know when they will out do themselves in the Bad Idea Jeans department. The only professional sports league that still clings to the idea that people want to see an awards show, decides to put on the aforementioned awards show in a climate that has seen snow once every thirty five years. With the exception of Illegal Curve’s own Neil, does anyone watch the NHL awards show? If you had anything marginally better to do, for example, watch grass grow on a nice July night, wouldn’t you rather do that?

The last time the NHL made their way to Vegas was during an exhibition game in 1991. The game, played outdoors at Caesar’s Palace between the Kings and Rangers was televised tape delayed. In “previewing” the game, Sports Illustrated wrote that if you are sitting at home to watch this, “you need to have you head Zambonied.” For years, I have been waiting for an opportunity to re-tell that story and trot out that phrase again. Thanks to this latest boneheaded decision from the NHL, that time is now upon us. I suppose for that, I should be thankful.

For Illegal Curve, I am Drew Mindell.

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