Overture, curtains, lights,
This is it, the night of nights
No more rehearsing and nursing a part
We know every part by heart
Overture, curtains, lights
This is it, you’ll hit the heights
And oh what heights we’ll hit
On with the show this is it
Tonight what heights we’ll hit
On with the show this is it
With those words, spoken by legendary philosophers Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, the NHL season has kicked off/puck dropped. (I am aware they actually didn’t start the season with Bugs & Daffy, but who would have complained if they had?—would have been way better than whatever that crap was in Edmonton on Saturday night)
Because the season has just started, and I am full of optimism and warm, cuddly feelings (thank you lithium!) and because I am sure the NHL season will avail me more than enough opportunities to be a Negative Nelly, I will instead begin this season of Cold Hard Rants with a wish list that I would like to see occur this coming year.
Western Conference
- Dany Heatley getting his comeuppance and getting sh*t kicked for 82 games, while tallying the worst goal total of his career. You don’t mess with karma the way Mr. Heatley did and escape unscathed.
- The Detroit Red Wings getting knocked from their usual perch atop the NHL standings. Not because I regularly dislike the Red Wings, or the manner in which they are successful year in, year out, (in fact I admire them for that) but simply because they signed the criminal Todd Bertuzzi. So long as he gets signed by NHL teams, while Steve Moore sits at home, the team that signs him deserves to fail.
- Saku Koivu stays healthy for the entire year, and he and countryman Teemu Selanne play like twenty eight year olds in contributing to the Ducks having a successful season. Best of all no one asks him why he doesn’t speak French.
- Oilers fans realize early on that their team isn’t that good, and they won’t make the playoffs. Will save a lot of anguish and hand-wringing later in the season. (But Khabby plays well.)
- The Phoenix Coyotes play before more than 2000 paying customers once this season.
Eastern Conference
- Carey Price returns to form as one of the most promising young goaltenders in the NHL and the Canadians have a year free and clear of the turmoil of last year. By the by, Sergei Kostitsyn, you stay classy.
- Ray Emery proves not to be the answer in net in Philadelphia, and yet again the Flyers fail to have a suitable answer for the most important position in hockey. Two decades and counting, Flyers fans.
- The Sabres and Senators play each-other tooth and nail each and every time they meet this year, and the NHL’s most under-rated rivalry gets the just desserts and publicity it deserves, culminating in a battle for the final Eastern Conference playoff spot.
- Martin Brodeur bounces back from the disastrous final ninety seconds of last year, and leads the Devils to the playoffs, but most importantly backstops Team Canada to gold in Vancouver, as the final act in his remarkable career.
- The Carolina Hurricanes shock the NHL and overtake the Capitals for the Southeast division title. Cam Ward registers 40+ wins on the season and is finally heralded as one of the three best goalies in the NHL.
- Marion Gaborik “suffers” a day-to-day leg injury that results in him missing four months, causing John Tortorella to snap and eventually attempt to amputate the “injured” leg. With his teeth. Larry Brooks insists many teams are interested in trading for a one legged Marion Gaborik while Stan Fischler demands that a sandwich commemorating the occasion be made available at his favourite deli.
Until next Tuesday, “That’s all Folks.”
Photo courtesy http://www.asifa-hollywood.org/taf2.jpg
For Illegal Curve, I am Drew Mindell.
What is on your wish list? Please join the discussion below. Your comments are always welcome.
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